Just Like Hillary...but with Guns!

If it turns out this presidential election was really just a badly type-casted B-movie shot in Big Brother's basement, I won't be surprised.

First there were the primaries. Toss issues out the window; the real question seemed to be whether you'd rather pity a minority or a woman. Well, the minority won out--after all, he has the necessary sexual apparatus, and at least he's half White, anyway, which is closer to being a White Male than Hillary will ever get. (Probably. Damn, sex changes are expensive.)

Still, Obama's got the media buzz and MLK Jr. behind him, and those tired old Republicans realized that this year the tried and true White Male gag just won't cut it. They needed a mascot. What better than someone with boobs? That's an attention-getter. Plus, with that Naughty Librarian look, McCain can just pretend she's one of his secretaries.

Go ahead. Call me a cynic. It's true.